This is a bit no long sorry- ‘The love of my life’- The Love Of My Life

The Love Of My Life

This is a bit no long sorry- ‘The love of my life’
I and Tom have been together for about a year and a half. From day one we were inseparable and crazy in love. Of cause, we became best friend’s swell as lovers and things were good.
!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I started getting depressed again (has been ongoing in my life) and he came to the rescue. Tried absolutely everything. I was so depressed and in my opinion self centered that I didn't notice that he was only doing certain things because he loved me so much...................
 He started spending ALL his time with me and saying things he didn't mean only to (in a way) keep me alive. The same thing happened in a previous long term relationship and it ended with my ex saying he didn't want me as a responsibility anymore.............
My depression got so bad that if he was away from me for a night I'd be crying constantly and scared of being on my own. We were constantly together................

My depression and he being there for me triggered a control issue. I felt (and still feel) the need to control everything. To know everything. To be the main person in his life. It sounds crazy I know. I'm really ashamed of the way I am (which doesn't help my depression). Anyways after hundreds of arguments and break ups we were still crazy about each other, only I was completely dependant on him, a shadow of myself. We broke up and he gave me another chance when i got kicked out of my mum's house and a month later I got pregnant. We decided to keep it and now I am 33 weeks pregnant.
Before I got pregnant we spent all our time smoking and drinking and sitting in my room playing videogames. We were both unemployed college dropouts. Now he has a great job, we're due to move into our own flat this week, he looks after me, cooks and cleans when i'm not feeling great, and never goes out anymore.
The love of my life……….

I feel like I've ruined his life. I feel like he's only with me cause of our baby and this ruins my self esteem so much. Not to mention my weight and change in how i look. Only now I'm too scared to tell him how I feel half the time because of how the last year has panned out. We've had really bad arguments where we nearly hit each other and we tell each other we hate each other and wish we never met each other. Oh…Only the next day we're absolutely fine? More than fine, we make love and cuddle and talk cute to each other. It's really random...
Hey, should I ease up on him? And do I seem that bad? But I know it's not an ideal situation and i'm not always fair. Should I let him do whatever he wants because he's trying so hard to be a good dad/boyfriend?
I'm not sure what to do because one minute he hates me one minute he loves me sometimes I just wane run away and disappear for his sake. I’ve nearly done it so many times.
Tell us about your first love….